What a relief. The Krusty Burger – the star product sold by the depressed clown of the same name, may contain traces of meat.
Krusty, what do you think of the enquiry's findings?
That was surprising even for me. However, if I told you the recipe of our secret sauce, you wouldn’t believe it either.
Could you still give us the official ingredients of the Krusty Burger?
Well, you can find cheddar in it. Oh, wait, we can’t call that cheddar. We have to call it “a cheese product.”
Why is that?
It’s a combination of processed cheese products from several factories. We melt the lot and turn it into a square-shaped thing. As for the bread, we can’t call it that either.
What about mustard?
We prefer to call it « our yellow dressing. »
How about ketchup?
Well… I’d rather tell you that after the interview.
According to your TV commercial, the bacon you use comes from pigs raised in a natural state that live quite a happy life. Is that true?
I think I should tell you that’s just a rubber disk painted pink.
Oh dear...
Oh, don’t act so shocked. You have no idea what’s in the meat your kids have at the school canteen.
You've never had a scandal?
Not really, no. However, a public health inspector once saw a pickle jar from 1989. Nothing serious.
And there's this documentary, too...
Yeah, some guy tried to eat only Krusty Burgers for a month. He couldn’t finish the movie.
Did anyone else die?
Oh, there was this one guy. He was just allergic to onions, so that was OK.
