We have succeeded, at long last, in interviewing Severus Snape, the sour teacher from the Harry Potter series. In his deep voice, he told us about Mufasa from The Lion King and how he feels about Disney in general.
“When I was five, I did not cry when I knew Bambi’s mother had been killed by hunters. I was rather appalled by this dumb fawn who marveled at a butterfly, sneezed on flowers and fell flat on his face on the ice. It was excruciating to watch.”
The reason why The Lion King did not move me at all is that Simba reminds me of the Potter boy: a pretentious prick who thinks he’s the one and turns out to be the spitting image of his father.
“The other Disney movies also leave me cold”
By the way, have you ever wondered why you did not hear the singer who sang Let It Go anymore? Well, I’m the one who used the Silencio spell on her. Don’t thank me.
Inside Out didn’t move me a bit either. Needless to say that in my own head lives only one emotion – anger – and it doesn’t show itself that often.
Besides, the Soul movie on Disney Plus made me wonder why this fellow was so eager to get back to earth to do something as dull as playing in a jazz band.
To check whether I really had a heart of stone, my niece showed me Game of Thrones recently: each time a character died, instead of crying, I would make myself a Vodka shot. I was drunk before the end of season one.