Hello, Frank Underwood. What made you change careers so drastically?
Against all odds, working in Disneyland isn’t that different from working in politics. You still keep a fake smile on your face and deal with people you hate. You’re also supposed to do some good in the world when really you’re doing all this for your sole pleasure.
What do you actually do in Disneyland?
I make sure people are having fun when I’m definitely not.
Nothing has really changed, you know. I still work way more backstage than on stage. For instance, I let others get tired dancing on dreadful earworms I choose for them. Now, that’s fun. I also choose the burgers your kids are going to eat. Take my advice: bring your own picnic.
Employees, after all, are merely voters: as grateful as puppies when you’re actually screwing them good.
Any plans for the future, Frank?
Slowly become the theme park CEO. That poor Bob has no idea who he has hired. The idea is to be running the Walt Disney Company in less than three years.